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Tuesday, 17 June 2014

Forgiveness

I couldn't sleep yesterday night thanks to the heat and a cat mewing right outside my window altho I'm on the 1st floor. It was on top of the roof, just inches below my window.

I used to sleep no matter what my surroundings are. Now that I'm older, that ability has abandon me. So as usual, thoughts whirred in my mind. BUT, as usual I'm too lazy to get up and write down my thoughts so here am I writing it down in the morning lol. Don't worry it's nothing formal and long. I'm not writing an essay here hehe.


Forgiveness, what are your thoughts on it? 

For me, I am a person who easily forgive and forget, unless the matter is very serious and unforgivable. If I forgive you really easily, its because I don't really give a damn (which is most of the time) :P

But to think of it,

Sometimes I forgive because I care about that person too much, I let them hurt me and go away with it.

Sometimes I never forgive because I care about that person too much, maybe they don't remember what happened that make them unforgivable but I will always remember, because I care. 

Funny huh. 

Why would I care so much about a person that obviously doesn't give a damn about me? I have no idea. No freakin idea. 

Did you know when I was small I used to join storytelling/singing/syarahan/poem reading competitions? I have the awards at home to prove it. But know, look at me, the shy one. Stuttering and talking too fast during presentations, because I'm too effin nervous, too effin shy. See what you've done to me. 


But now I think its finally time to let go. *cue the song hahaha

Because obviously holding a grudge isn't doing me any good.

Because obviously that person didn't even know I never forgive her/him. 

Why torture myself?


The reasoning part done, now the carrying out part. 

Of course I won't magically forget and forgive, I need time to really let go.

I am sure one day, I will be free of this hatred and find who I really am again. 


Sorry for all the negativity, I know it's like I have a split personality. My previous post is so chipper and gay but this one is a lil, I don't know, downbeat? It's like what my supervisor said to me on the first day she met me, she told me that I am shy but my words and writing are open. 

Oh well, never mind. Coz I feel so much better after writing this.


Cya ;)


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